My Glass Wand Self-Pleasure Practice

Hello. Hello, my loves. Hola, Hola. Bienvenidos. Welcome to my podcast. I’m Catrina Armendáriz and I’m your host. I’m also a somatic therapist, sex and intimacy coach, and I’m the founder of Esencia, an online subscription platform launching this fall with sex education, sensual yoga, and other embodiment practices to support you in feeling fully alive in your body again.

Meditation, breath, work, movement, you name it. In this podcast, I invite you into my journey through sexuality and all things alive and evolutionary in my heart. Join me as I open the door to my most intimate and vulnerable moments and share some of the wisdom I’ve gained through over 30 years of tantric and embodiment practices.

This is, disclaimer, a shame slaying podcast. So if you’re not quite ready to get rid of that shame, this might not be the podcast for you. But if you are ready to step into that fire transformation, this is the place and this is the space for you. This will nourish your heart’s blossoming, your reclamation of outrageous pleasure, your fuck yes energy, and your transformation into your most empowered self.

Are you ready for this? If you are enjoying this podcast, please rate and review so we can get this out to people all around the world desiring to dive into this beautiful experience along with us. Okay, love you all.

Let’s dive in. Hello. Hello, my loves. Welcome to this episode on what seems to be my cervical orgasm journey. So I’m going to share my third experience with cervical orgasm since the beginning of this podcast.

This one was a self-administered orgasm. It was. Wow. Yeah.

So I opened up for coaching clients a few weeks ago, and I have had such a beautiful experience, and I’m blown away by the vastness and the beauty of all of what’s presenting in terms of what’s on my plate, what’s on the plate for the clients that are coming to me.

And with one of them, specifically a woman, I intuited that — oh, yeah, she also intuited it. Right. It’s something that was co-created in session where we realized, like, oh, okay, cervical orgasm is something that’s being desired.

There are ways to — or there’s a curiosity around it — there are ways to facilitate it without a partner so we don’t have to wait, in other words, for someone else to arrive. And I encouraged her to go into a practice of exploration with the cervix and a wand immediately after our call.

That was just towards the end of the call, so it wasn’t a time or space to go into a guided practice in any sort of way. And so I got off the call, and I was like, this is also me coming off of — I think it was just like a couple days prior — I filmed a yoni de armoring guided meditation, which it’s been a while since I’ve engaged these practices just for the sake of engaging them, because I used to spend so much time with them.

And I took a pause to explore my sexual energy in different ways. And so revisiting them in this new embodiment that I’m in has been so fascinating for me, and so beautiful and such a beautiful opening. So I filmed that yoni de armoring and guided meditation, and I was alive with erotic energy in a way that was just like hmmm, should I give myself an orgasm?

And I decided against it, and I moved on to take on other activities. But that energy stays. It stays with me. I feel that aliveness. And so in a subtle way, it’s guiding. It’s always kind of there and asking me, or I’m asking it — hey, do you want to be expressed in any other way?

Because there’s so many ways that I’m working with that energy. And I’m like, do you want to be expressed through orgasm? Manually stimulated? And after our call, it felt like the right thing to do. I was like, okay, I think I’m going to take that energy, and I’m going to experience a cervical orgasm with the wand.

And so I went to my bed, and I went into that same de armoring practice that I guided in the meditation, though a shorter version of it. And then I went through a slow insertion of the wand.

And funny enough, it felt for me like a very slow insertion and a very shallow insertion. But I did feel it up against my cervix at some point, which felt very nice. It was like a beautiful kiss. It was like hello to the cervix.

And once I felt that there, I held it there, and I really didn’t do a whole lot of movement. There was clitoral stimulation, and there was a bit of pelvic gyrating, but very subtle, very subtle, very subtle.

And it didn’t take long for me to get that cervical orgasm. Then once it came, it was so powerful. And the thing about the cervical orgasm is it could keep going and going and going. So I could have stayed in that. At the same time, I was like, whoa, this was not the time and place for me to go deep into this.

This is good enough, because I felt a tenderness, and I felt a raw vulnerability and I felt like, wow, this is a deep opening of a dark mystery that I can enter into in a huge space of exploration of emotional release and meeting myself in a new way and integrating.

And I was like, oh, I did not curate the time and space to go to the depths of this, but literally just having that little kiss of the experience of that cervical orgasm for me was like, oh, gosh, I forgot. I forgot how powerful this is in my own self-practice.

And one of the reasons why I stopped doing the self-practice is because I didn’t want to become so self-reliant and attached to what I can experience on my own and not be open and fully available and present to the mystery of what that could look like with a partner.

And I’ve come to a part of my evolution where I can start to navigate and negotiate and harmonize a balance between the two. I do still prefer the mystery and the openness of what I can have with my partner, but it’s not that much larger than the — “oh, wow, there’s so much deep work and integration and expansion and liberation in my self-practice with this, so much emotional release, so much awakening” — and “wow, that’s going to inform even more expansion in my partnerships” rather than feeling the fear or the lack around what it was going to cause, which is what was dominating most of my approach to self pleasure.

My dog’s looking at me like she’s actually kind of interested in what I’m talking about. Yeah, Ushas, nice. I like it. What was really interesting, though, is I actually had a client appointment at the time that I went into my self-pleasure practice.

I book my clients primarily, like, 99% of them, through Calendly. And I made an exception in this case to accommodate someone who didn’t seem to use Calendly. And it went against my instinct and my intuition — and at the same time I was like, hmm, intuition says make an exception. And I did, and I’m glad I did because I learned that if I’m going to make exceptions to my boundaries, then I need to be very clear on what that means for me and the responsibility, extra responsibility, I need to take on and really kind of explore and evaluate the value of that.

So it was beautiful. It was a beautiful experience, and it was just interesting to see how I missed a session for the sake of going into this depth of beauty. And sometimes that’s just how life works.

Everything is moving and organizing for our highest evolution when we’re receptive to the flow. So I trust and lean into that. It’s just kind of comical.

Let me explain a bit about what I was feeling — that tenderness.

There’s a bit of shame there. And I think that was what caused me to be like, “oh, got to close the door on this. This isn’t the time to go deep into this awakening right now.” There is shame tied in with the sensation of what I felt as I orgasmed.

And that sucking sensation that the os or that the cervix does when it’s orgasming — when it’s pulsating and it’s sort of like dripping and sucking in, it’s like pulling — it’s almost as if it’s like meant to pull the sperm further into the canal. Like this motion, it’s soft and it’s undulating and it’s a suck suck. It’s as if like lips are on the bosom, on the breast, sucking the nipple. It’s this very raw and primal energy connected to nourishment.

And that also, for me, was like, oh, something about this. There’s so much shame here. And I don’t know entirely where that’s going to take me, but I know that there’s so much that is going to reveal itself to me emotionally and mentally around allowing myself to be in this unique sensation in my body, which is pleasurable, pleasurable, but also — whoa, scary.

And also curious. Scary, because I just didn’t have the time and space to attend to it in that moment. And scary in the sense of, “wow, I didn’t know that there was another part of me locked in here.” And actually now, yeah, it makes sense.

So I hope that that was a little bit informative for anyone listening into this episode. It’s very short and very quick. The power that we have when we go into orgasm — it’s not just for a release, it can be for transformation.

And I believe that ISTA — I don’t know if they created it — someone within that system created the four different types of sex. Like reasons we go to sex. And frameworks are wonderful. I love them. I don’t attach to them. I don’t think it’s evolutionary to attach to frameworks. Frameworks are meant to catapult us into more expansion, to be a stepping stone.

So in this framework, the four types of sex — if I recall correctly — one is for fun or recreation, just having a little enjoyment. And another is for restoration, deeply just restoring yourself in that moment. Maybe you’ve got a headache, maybe you’re feeling disembodied, dissociating a bit. You’re feeling some sort of lower energy and you have some sort of a sensation that once you get the orgasm, it’s going to bring some integration into the body again, to restore you back to a neutral state of being or a regulated nervous system, some sort of discharge of extra energy that needs to be released or integrated.

And then we have — let’s see — recreational, restorational, transformational, and — oh! Right, hello — reproductive, for the sake of having offspring. And this is obviously like the most normalized in traditional upbringings, traditional cultures. This is how sex is accepted in most social spaces. Recreational, we have a lot of shame around with that. And then we have restorative, and then we have transformational.

So transformational is — this is going to take you from dark night of the soul into expansive awakening. This is going to provide you some sort of spiritual awakening, helping you to release old paradigms, old patterns, and bring you into a new way of being more integrated in yourself.

And this is the cervical orgasm, for example. It offers a transformational experience. Now, ultimately, the way that I see it is we aspire to all of these four being integrated beautifully. And it’s just a matter of our personal evolution as we’re kind of making our way along the path to experiencing life less segmented and experiencing more holism and holisticness in the way that we approach all aspects of our life, and especially sex.

Of course, reproductive is a different story. Not all of us are looking to have children or time and place for that. Whereas recreation, we want to have fun, we want to be in pleasure, and we want to enjoy it. And we want to trust too.

We want to be so embodied that we can trust that being in our pleasure is safe. And it’s okay, and it’s beautiful. And actually it’s restorative. And actually it’s transformative — pleasure-centered transformation.

We go through a dark night. It is uncomfortable. At the same time, when we’ve equalized our safety, when we’ve established safety within ourselves, we experience this pleasurably in the body. We’re not escaping, we’re not in fear. We recognize our capacity to be present with intensity of dark and light. And we can be with it in pleasure. And that’s ananda, or bliss.

And again, this is not something that’s going to happen overnight for everybody, but it’s something that we can aspire to. And it’s something that’s possible in the body — to experience the emotional states, the spectrum and the breadth of emotions whilst in bliss.

To go through a transformative experience and to feel the unlocking of emotional release of a vast, unknown array of emotions and feel so light and purified and beautiful in the process of that letting go and that transformation — that pleasure, the pleasure of physical sensation as you’re going through that release, having fun in that joy of abandoning your patterns that are toxic for you, taking pure contentment and happiness in that experience of “wow, I am stepping into a new version of me and this is so cool. And what beauty to be in the mystery of this new, expansive way of being.”

I certainly wanted to go there with my orgasm, but I didn’t have the time and space for it. But I can curate that and I invite you to do that for yourself too.

Be intentional about the time that you’re going to make for your evolution. And as it comes to orgasm, same thing. Curate an hour and start with something small if you need to — 10–15 minutes just to be with the body in a way that’s pleasurable and to be with the erotic energy and to bring it alive within you. Not needing to have a goal, not needing to consummate it with an orgasm, but being with the energy itself.

And then having an ongoing practice of that exploration, and then also extending it and having longer practices where you can explore orgasmic potential and completion of that orgasmic energy in a way — and distribution of that energy and transmutation and sublimation, whatever it is you’re wanting to do, whatever you’re desiring to do with that energy. There’s so much.

There’s so much. I’m rambling. I feel like that’s enough for this episode. Big hugs to you and yeah, I’ll catch you in the next episode. Bye.

Thank you my loves for joining me on this journey. I hope that this episode was fruitful for you. To access any resources referenced, please visit the episode page at catrinax.com where you’ll find the podcast archive. If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and YouTube; like and leave a review or comment, and share with your friends and loves. Espero que hayas disfrutado este episodio. Gracias por darte este espacio conmigo.